You’re in my dreams. You’re this person that knows how to find me no matter where I am. I constantly try to avoid you but you are chasing me. You are chasing me with these two knives in your hands. You try to hurt me, you want to kill me. But I can’t kill you.
So, I run, I run, I run faster than you but you know always where to find me, so I have to defend myself.
Now, I also have one knife in my right and one knife in my left hand but I don’t even want to fight. But you keep attacking and cutting me. So, I need to defend myself. Sometimes, you are wounded now by my defense but I can’t help it. I am forced to defend myself or you will kill me. I feel so cruel: you look like the purest devil to me with your pale skin, with this long hair, with this skinny body, and this blood all over you that you’d like to take from me too.
So, now I’m in this constant conflict: I don’t want to hurt you. I can see you beyond your devil eyes, beyond this blood on your hands, beyond this skinny body that reminds me of death. I still see this human in you, so I won’t ever kill you. BUT I feel so anxious all the time because I know no matter how far I’ll run you always know where to find me.
So, sometimes I need to hurt you back to defend myself. I don’t even want to hurt anybody. But you force me to do it. You are those eyes, these eyes that follow me to tell me that one day I am forced to make eye contact with this thing called truth.
Yet, I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me. The only thing that I understand is that I have to keep fighting, I have to keep fighting because otherwise I would need to kill you. But I could never do that.
So, I keep my life in a hurtful state.
So, I keep suffering.
So, I keep choosing your safety over mine but the price is high:
I am never at ease, I am never at peace because I know that you will find me no matter how far I run. No matter how far I run, I would still choose the life of this devil over mine!
So, I do, I do keep suffering for you, for you this devil that doesn’t even want to live.